You'd think i would have learned by now
by soccerg95
Summary: Take a deep breath and it will be okay or so i hope. I mean can you actually hope everything will be okay if your about to die?
1. Chapter 1

I sat in my room and finished up the last of my homework. I packed my stuff away and tried to think of something to do. I had to stall I just had too because what I was about o do was going to end my life once and for all.

Every two years I went, unwillingly might I add, to a man. If could even call him that. He had his way with me and then left me, bruised, broken and in pain.

You might ask why I would go to this man in the first place well it all stared when I was seven.

I was walking to the ballet classes I used take (where James had attacked me) and I was suddenly yanked backwards into an alley.

I won't repeat what happened that night even in memory because of the pain and suffering it will bring but in short, that was the day my virginity was stolen, robbed from me. Ever since then, every two years, I go back to him to be…. Violated.

After the second time I finally told Charlie but he couldn't get HIM. After that the man took a six year old hostage and he would die if I didn't return every two years and I…I…I just can't bring myself to kill the poor kid who got stuck in this mess.

The really sad part is I have accepted it, I go and come back and feel NOTHING.

It has been ten years now and I have learned to love and be loved. I am in love with Edward Cullen but I can't pull him into this mess so I'm going to end this once and for all.

I picked up my coat from my bed and walked out of my room with determination. As I left, I glance around just in case I never came back, and headed down the stairs to hug Charlie goodbye.

The hug lasted longer but I wasn't complaining.

"Bella, why do I have the feeling you're not going to come back this time?" Charlie said through tears.

I took a deep breath, tears starting to run down my cheeks, being an open book could really suck sometimes. "Dad, I…. I am going to tell Edward and then I well what I mean is I don't… think I'll fight so much this time if you can understand that." Charlie always waited till I got home then took me to the hospital and back then I fought to live but now… Edward doesn't deserve a person like me and I can't put Charlie through any more pain…

Charlie started to sob and I cursed myself for hurting him more. "Dad, its going to be okay. I…well…I will always be with you and Edward whether you see me or not."

"Bel..la" my father sobbed, "please come back to me and please oh please fight…We need you… I need you…Edward needs you"

"I am sorry" And with that I walked out the door, possibly for the last time.


	2. Chapter 2

I slowly walked to my truck and got in with almost no hope of coming back. After what had just happened I don't think I can tell Edward and not die right on the spot but he has to know….

I keep on thinking about what to say as I drive to the love of my life.

I near the forest hidden driveway and wipe my face with my sleeve. I have decided to break his heart… I just can't tell him the truth I mean what can he say when I tell him I'm going to go get raped and killed.

I love you? I highly doubt anyone would have anything to say to that… I pull into the garage with a determined face and some-what steady resolve.

I make my way up the path and push open the door. What? They're vampires; robbers are not something they worry about….

I don't really know what happened next but I just snapped…

My need to be with Edward and my need to keep him safe was just too conflicting that I just couldn't take it. I raced up to Edward's room, thankfully, god was on my side and I didn't trip.

I paused, out of breath in front of the door to his room. Debussy was playing loudly and who knew where everyone else was.

I knocked on the door and decided that second I wasn't going to hurt Edward. My need…my desire for Edward was miniscule compared to my want and desire for him to be safe.

The door opened and as soon as I saw his glorious messy bronze hair and bright golden eyes, I jumped. I wrapped my legs around his waist and put my arms around his neck.

I looked into his swirling pools of gold and the familiar shape of his stone, cold lips. I kissed his forehead as softly as I could, then I closed his eyes and kissed the purplish bruises beneath them.

I kissed the bridge of his nose as lovingly as I could and moved to his lips. His soft and inviting lips… I kissed him and put all my sadness and love into it. He nipped at my bottom lip and I sighed in pleasure.

He had to know but it would hurt him so much. Then again it would hurt him more if he knew the truth. I began to cry as he lowered us down on to his black leather couch.

With tears running down my face I said one of the hardest things I have ever or will ever say.

"Edward.. I love you so much and I.." I choked up but I just had to tell him.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward's eyes began to express the worry and concern that his voice hid. "Bella?"

He turned my head to look straight into his eyes.

"Edward I'm so sorry but I can no longer be with you.. It's not Charlie… I just can't do this anymore" My tears just kept coming and I tried not to show that it was back. The hole was back.

The searing sensation was back. The blinding pain and sadness was back and I would not show it. He was in enough pain already. "Bella, I don't understand" The pain in his eyes just about killed me right there and then.


End file.
